No pictures of spiders, we promise. This is a safe space.
Walked into a spider web and did an hour of tai chi in five seconds.
— matt (@biorhythmist) March 5, 2013
[spiders pour into room]
[group of tap dancers enter] ALRIGHT MEN THIS IS WHAT WEVE TRAINED FOR
— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) January 27, 2015
HER: I want you to make me scream
ME: *tosses spider onto her chest*
— Terry F (@daemonic3) July 25, 2016
Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.
— Lani (@LaniBeno) December 6, 2013
Sometimes I run across a room really fast so a spider sees me out of the corner of its eye and spends the evening worrying where I’ve gone.
— Mmmm Dowling (@MarionDowling) December 2, 2014
Spider-Man is my favorite superhero whose name is made up of 2 things that scare the shit out of me.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 11, 2014
“ARGHH A HOUSE SPIDER”
[spider removes earbuds]
“yah actually im more into ambient trance but whatever”
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 12, 2015
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Have fun, but be careful. Your sister was vacuumed up last week, and yesterday your cousin was killed with a shoe.
– spider moms, probably
— Inappropriate Charm (@LackOfShame) May 10, 2015
WIFE: COME AND GET RID OF THIS SPIDER
ME to spider: I told you, you’ll get your money. Leave my family out of this
SPIDER: you’ve got 2days
— Dave (@T_N_Crumpets) August 20, 2015
How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.
— Tina (@TinaMav) November 21, 2012
Every day, I hope I don’t get bitten by a spider. I’m not afraid of spiders, I just don’t want the responsibility of being a superhero.
— Tony (@Tmoney68) October 20, 2014
It’s funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.
— Matt Callo (@mattgallo123) May 5, 2015
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